This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
