Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
