i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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