His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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