I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nicole vs. Life
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
