I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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