I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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