He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
