What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
