It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
