Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
