Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
try to milk me bitch
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