Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
