Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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