Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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