i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
