so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
