When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
