it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
