drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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