How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
