He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
