So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
