i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
