yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
