Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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