1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
