Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm having to shit out rocks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
