Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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