You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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