She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
