So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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