He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
