As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My bed smells like the plague
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