well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
