"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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