you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
as a side note pls kill me
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