That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize