When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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