first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
