and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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