just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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