also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
