You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
