The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
