Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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