it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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