Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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