After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
