Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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