I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
