super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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