Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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