I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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