You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
