I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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