I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
