I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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