i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
