i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
