Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
