Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he thought i was a dude.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
