i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
