Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
