Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
