she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
