plz talk dirty to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
