Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize