Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
