we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
