doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
