Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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