did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
